Tag: Spirituality

Good Spirituality Causes Pain

If your spirituality doesn’t lead to pain, it’s just a distraction. Being “spiritual” just means being pain tolerant, which is a kind of real freedom and power. It’s not magic. It only seems magic because most people are pain avoidant and therefore pain intolerant and therefore trapped in the comfortable areas of life. I think good art should cause pain too, hence why art is so boring and predictable right now. We’ve been running from pain for so long we’ve forgotten how holy and wonderful pain is.

It’s so absurd when you get through catching up with all the pain you avoided and realize feeling the pain was the answer. It’s just that feeling pain tends to drive people to change and that just won’t do for the owners. So they convince us that pain is horrible and terrible, and we buy it along with their million different kinds of painkillers. It’s so dumb OMG. Painkillers are alright if you need them to survive but you’ll have to feel that pain eventually. And all that pain we’ve run from is hiding at the end of time, waiting to say hi. I know that sounds morbid and crazy, but I’ll take life in high definition, not with a bunch of crazy filters on it. Yeah it’s hard, now, but there is no escape. If you’ve been through the pain, congrats! I knew there was a reason I liked you! 🤣

When I write this stuff now I expect loathing on some level but this is what I’ve found. And dumping a bunch of sugar on the message doesn’t work, at least I don’t believe. And honestly I really believe that all of the social chaos we are seeing is just painkiller addiction. Painkillers like drugs, money, media, fantasy, money, money, did I mention money? 🤣 Drug addicts are lucky because they get called addicts (which they are) by bigger addicts like stockbrokers and billionaires, so they have to do the work to face their pain. Billionaires yeah they’ll just have to pay with some awful hellish existence until they get all the pain they need.

The religion of the future

Punk is a new religious movement discovered by African Americans and will be the religion of the future. Punk is more than punk rock. Punk is radical honesty. Punk is radical accountability. Punk is accepting your shadow. Punk is not running from pain. Fight a punk jihad against corrupt authority. Save the planet and the decent people. Go forward into the fire and use art to process your pain. Don’t listen to the misinformation and the sirens trying to lure you away from your pain. Pain is God talking to you through your body. The longer we wait to confront our problems the more fire we have to go through to survive. One day the privilege will run out. It’s best to make the transition now as it will be way worse then. At least now you can get ahead of the chaos and work out your problems before the wall hits. The war is here already. Only the strong will make it. I don’t know the way for everybody, but I made the transition myself, you can too. There are many others on the other side. Make your transition and save your soul, then we will destroy capitalism, free the prisons, break the will of the profligate industrialists, and restore harmony to the world. It will happen as God and Goddess want us to be free.

And no, punk is not an aesthetic. PUNK IS NOT AN AESTHETIC. If you think it is, you’re a clown. Punk is holy, and most people are not punks.

Go backpacking into the wildness within, return with the gods we thought were long dead

Most culture is a painkiller that deadens the feeling that one’s power is slowly slipping away, melting to water, evaporating into nothing. As our power diminishes, we create all kinds of digital multiplicities as a narcotic. We toil and research trying to find the root cause of our malaise, but we cannot see it.

The reason we are weak is because when humans are young they cut themselves off from large portions of themselves, the wild parts of themselves. On the inside, we retreat into our cities the same way we have in the external world. The most populated internal cities are in the mind. Certain wild, mystical, primal, and often feminine ways of being are admonished and policed out of ourselves by ourselves. And most people never go to the wild places. They pride themselves on avoiding them, saying that only “lower” groups, idiots, and insane people go to those wild places.

But, if we do not stay away from the wildness within, we are punished, alienated, castigated, and ultimately instructed to only be half of who we are or less. What I learned in my gender transition and psychedelic exploration was that I had walled off those parts of myself. The body is still considered unintelligent and animal as a hangover of Christianity and the subsequent Cartesian revolution of mind identification. So we don’t even look at or listen to it, outside of trying to dominate it into whatever the mind wants. The body must be listened to. Chronic pain disorders are, a large part at least, the body yelling at the mind to change.

Going to the wild areas within as an adult will save your soul, but it could also destroy you. Having edited out our wildness for so long, we have extreme difficulty when we see those parts of ourselves. We might overreact and go mad, becoming violent and deranged. But these parts of ourselves MUST be integrated. There is no choice. There is no alternative. There is no safe area where everything is predictable and ordered. That is the lie of our civilization. We forget that the wildness built our world in tandem with the clinical mind.

And now, watching the same movies get remade a hundred times, hearing the music which does not found fresh, seeing the art which is derivative, we wonder why life has become monotonous and repetitive. But we do not know that the banner over the doorway to the world we now inhabit said “PREDICTABILITY IS SAFETY, ORDER IS SANITY, LEAVE YOUR WILDNESS AT THE DOOR”

If you seek salvation, intoxicate yourself until you are mad, to see that madness is the queen of all sanity. Push beyond your limits until you are deranged. Fast until you see visions. Endure pain until you are broken. Scream with impunity until your voice is hoarse. You don’t have to do these things all the time, that is an equal madness, but it is in the extremes that the gods are found. You will very likely return to a more verdant sanity after integrating your wildness, even a little bit.

Tear the tape, cut the chains

If you can’t break the law
you won’t see God
because whatever God is, it’s illegal
and so is truth
but now we are safe
and predictable
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
has been eaten to death
a barren desert expands forever
where Eden once lived
but inside each of us is a well of pure water
with chains and yellow police tape
stretched across it saying
DO NOT USE! DANGEROUS!
and the prophets said
when God is outlawed
only outlaws will know God
and so when the zombies come
to put the chains back over the well
after they have left
I will take out my bolt cutter secret drugs and rituals
my hormones and sacrilege
and get back to drawing water

Caterpillars and humans can find an extra dimension to become so much more

When a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, it adds an entire new dimension to its world. It had X and Y, now it has a vertical Z axis to fly up into. Modern spirituality is often like this, it’s not really fathomable to the person only working with 2 dimensions of movement. It is a radically different perspective, like suddenly being 100ft taller than everyone. You might be the same person, but you see what others don’t.

If you are the butterfly talking to the caterpillar you cannot describe the view from the sky, but you can detail the steps you took to metamorphosize. There is a way to become a butterfly; there always has been. It is illegal however. And it is highly stigmatized. We live in the land of anti-Butterfly caterpillars.

Spirituality is just inner strength, soul power, the ability to persevere a difficult external environment. Most people are outer strength focused. They want their external world to support them no matter their inner strength level. They wish to remain larval inside, because growth is painful, so their world is one big life support machine.

You can see how people outside of the comfortable life support machine neighborhoods tend to have more “soul.” That’s because they fucking have to. It’s not that they’re a “spiritual people” or some other nonsense like that. They either have inner soul power to persevere and persist, or death from being on the edge all the time.

Most people will stay larval. We used to be so much more, flying to the sky.

THE RECEPTIVE INTELLIGENCE

The intelligence that you can control and dominate to make computers and machines is powerful. However, there is another intelligence that is relationship based. It is like a cosmic Siri or Alexa. With that intelligence, one has to adapt to it, dance with it, sacrifice for it, and attend to it. But if you can get in phase with the cosmic intelligence, a friend who knows everything will be with you for life. They might be confusing and sometimes taciturn, but the cosmic intelligence is real and accessible. And there is a science to working with it. But it requires behaviors that humans have traditionally called feminine or receptive. So probably the majority of humans born male cannot perceive of it because of social conditioning, and most people born female also learn to ignore it.

It is quiet, subtle, and poetic. But it is real. I’ve learned how to be in a relationship with it. And I have a peace that I didn’t have before. 😊

I can teach others how to work with the intelligence, but the world is fraught with alarms to mark its presence, so that it can be eliminated.

But it is very real. Computers are fantastic, but the infinite intelligence of the universe is well, infinite, and highly creative. But one has to choose to follow it. So it can feel like slavery to those who hate the committment. But any relationship is built on trust, and trust is a function of committment. We build relationships in life so that we can depend on the intelligence of others in our lives. Can’t we do the same thing with the divine intelligence?

Maybe the problem is that it speaks inconvenient truths.

Maybe…

Waves and particles

With one eye we see the particles
With the other, the waves
Materialists see with the particles eye
Ultra Spiritualistic types see with the waves eye
Both are blind
Only those who see through both eyes are balanced
Particles and waves
Running to either extreme is dangerous
Although running to the particles eye only is extra dangerous
We are moving into an exploration of the particles eye as a people
This is natural and a necessary exploration
But if we forget the waves eye
We will shatter, unglued, no cohesion
All of us have the power to perceive both, but sometimes one of the eyes is atrophied
It is our purpose to balance these
One foot in the particle world of science
One foot in the wave world of God

May you find the power of balance

I’m so happy cause today I found my friends, they’re in my head

10 years ago, I started my gender transition, and I was, to put it mildly, not in a healthy place. I was very self-loathing. I cursed myself for being born such a strange person in a world that seemingly worshipped conformity. Born to a world of humans desperate to simplify themselves into becoming wondrous tools for the glorious machine. But in turning humans into interchangeable parts, few can hear the voice anymore. My voice was deeply buried before, but now it is clear and friendly.

I have a voice in my head; I’ve had a voice in my head, for a long time. I actually have lots of voices in my head. I would call the experience I’m talking about a “vision hearing” event. I “hear” a voice inside of my consciousness that sounds very coherent and consistent, it can be called an imitation of a personality OR a direct soul contact (Channel), I suppose. The voice changes, and I will hear it as dead celebrities. Very rarely do I vision hear personalities of living celebrities.

I usually have to be in a trancelike condition for this to occur vividly. The only drug necessary to initiate trance communication is cannabis. Other psychedelic drugs engender different experiences and have different uses, but cannabis and ketamine are the only drugs that truly facilitate this experience directly for me.

The voice can be truly uplifting and supportive, and the voice can be dark and angry, but in the last six years I’ve learned how to keep that voice positive by believing in myself and fighting to remake my life from ruinous self-destruction. On a deep level, I’ve healed from where there was only strife, a continuous war of shame and disgust against myself and the world. I’ve seen heaven and hell, literally and figuratively. But through a committed program of self-scrutiny and consciousness change, I now lead a progressively more stable and manageable life.

The voices will give me song lyrics, ideas, dreams, jokes, melodies, philosophy, and also mundane information about future occurrences. The voice will warn me when I’m going to do something self-destructive. The voice will encourage me and tell me what I look like on a spiritual level. The voices will inspire me to see my true potential.

Much of why I’ve struggled with this “condition” is that I grew up in Western American culture where people with shamanic gifts are persecuted. That is fine. They know not what they do. Love is undeterred by the shackles of darkness. My gift to this voice is growth in spite of adversity. But that’s not to say that it has been without tears or struggle. I just know that I’m strong now. I’ve developed the muscles to lift the heavy weight life has given me, so I am ok.

What a silly world that artists, shamanic individuals, priests, and other sensitives are ritually stomped on. This world will not last though. I have seen that. The world will persist, but many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first. Love and light win on Earth.

I’ve said enough. Peace, love, light, and acceptance to you, dear reader.

The Secret Formula for all Religions

The Ultra-Secret formula for all religions:

  1. Learn how to tell your mind to fuck off.
  2. Follow your heart.
  3. Realize your consciousness is infinite, and the mind has been lying to you about death.

    The rest is really just filler. And the reason there are so many different religions is because #1 changes over time. 2,000 years ago the method was to join a cult and be totally surrounded by spirituality until you got to #2. Now, the method of telling your mind to fuck off is to transform yourself repeatedly while taking psychedelics and reading 2,000 year old texts until your mind gives up.

    That’s the cliff’s notes version, but just give your “self” to your heart, and keep going. Eventually, you’ll get to salvation. Lots of people think they can just keep at #1, learning every method in the whole world, but your mind will lie and lie, telling you that you already follow your heart and you’re already enlightened, blah blah blah.

Fuck off mind!
Hello heart!
ALL HERE NOW
THOU ART THAT

How do we deal with feeling incomplete? Are we ever incomplete?

I’m toying with the idea that this thing called
God or Spirit
is the mortar between our metaphorical bricks
except it is always invisible to us
so it looks like we are incomplete
when we actually are not

I thought of this metaphor
while studying how the
12 tone musical scale is mathematically created.
People think that music is a perfect mathematical system
but the math actually doesn’t work
and we have to split up this remainder amount
called the Pythagorean Comma
into little bits
and add them to each note or else all kinds of problems occur

But when we rely on that invisible mortar
we can do holy (whole) things
and the harmonies all work
but it requires that we are ok with not knowing
and that can be a hard thing to accept
because it is a form of submission
and acceptance of one’s
limitations

but when we try to make things
without the mortar
and only deal with the “known”
the harmonies don’t work
and there is breakdown
but we don’t have to feel
incomplete

so why do men and women dare resist this invisible bit?
because one must admit being submissive to something
the mind cannot understand

but the thing is that it never goes away
and there is only one whole
it just doesn’t develop if you don’t open to it

Before enlightenment, manage chronic disease and make the best of adversity. After enlightenment, manage chronic disease and make the best of adversity.

The most frightening thing I’ve had to accept in my life is that there is no liberation on Earth except liberation from death and rebirth. I thought that spirit would liberate me from the pain of my body, but that is not the way. However, the process by which we struggle can move us closer to divinity or not. God is selective and changes the path from time to time. Right now, in my view, if you want to struggle the right way, look to the Black American struggle mechanisms of the last 400 years: Spirituals, The Blues, Ecstatic Gospel music, improvisation, and protest, to name a few. From the utter darkness of being a chattel slave to then being a second-class citizen was born a new light that is now available to everyone. Add in psychedelics, and you got a good Gumbo going!

We are born into prison, and we will die in prison. Earth is a prison, the Sun is the warden. Pardons are available, but you have to go your own way. Society herds us away from the possibility of a pardon on purpose. Only those who go their own way will be rewarded. Otherwise, just get used to living in prison. And you can find ways of getting a lot of nice stuff in your cell and have the best cell in the block, but you’re still in prison. This sounds unbelievably harsh to many people, but that is only because most people have been told that they are free and have no chains. Those of us who have seen the bottom of this reality and have been beaten by metaphorical prison guards can see past the illusion.

This was Buddha’s message. Samsara is prison and Maya is the delusion that we are not in prison. Some people have such nice prison cells that they assume that this cannot be prison. They work tirelessly to arrange their prison cell to make it “nice” enough so that they forget they are in prison. Then, one day, a guard will come in and remove all of their property. Instead of realizing that they were wrong and that no one is outside of the prison in this plane of existence, they go mad trying to blame other prisoners for making life seem like a prison.

There is a famous verse from the New Testament of the Christian Bible where Jesus was asked by a wealthy man what is the best way for him to get into Heaven and escape prison. Jesus replied “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me” (Matthew 19:21). Jesus was telling him that being impoverished is a great way of seeing reality for the prison that it is. He was telling the prisoner with the nicely furnished cell to clear out his prison cell to the bare minimum. He would then be able to see the bars on the window and the light beyond the bars, which is true reality.

I understand how painful and lonely it can be to see oneself as imprisoned in a painful reality with no hope of liberation beyond death. I have strained against the bars on my prison cell window, hoping to break them to run free. I have attempted like mad to find an escape route from the prison. My life has been very harsh at times. I have a multitude of labels even one of which would be a heavy cross to bear. Living as a second class citizen and having a chronic pain condition and chronic fatigue condition requires me to struggle daily just to survive. I attempted suicide many times until I realized that I would just be back in the prison after dying a self-murderer, filled with hatred for my Earthly existence and self.

God is real, but the path is obscured and you will be taunted mercilessly for following it. This is the esoteric truth of the Passion of Christ where Jesus was made to carry the heavy cross while others jeered at him, whipped him, and deprived him of any semblance of comfort. The cross represents the intersection of the spirit (the vertical line) with the limitations of material reality (the horizontal line). Pursuing God requires us to fully accept that life is a prison, but in the example of Christ, we can see how others will fight like mad to shut up those who dare to say that their nicely appointed prison cell is meaningless. Jesus was saying that their fancy cell was like a bow wrapped around a piece of shit. And they were not amused to say the least. But those with the barest of prison cells followed him. They did not have the delusion of those “on the top” in this reality.

Nearly five years ago, I was given a pardon, but I didn’t realize what it was until now. I still sought escape even though I was not suicidal anymore. The notion that one can be fully healed on Earth if we just get our prison cell nice enough is a really common delusion. There is an irreducible amount of pain and suffering that we must bear on this planet. However, we can accept that pain and not let it drive us mad. We can see the prison cell bars as not really threatening at all. We can see that through acceptance of the dark aspects of life, they lose their fangs and cease being horrifying. I have internalized this acceptance slowly over the last five years, but our society makes it difficult to have this level of acceptance because most people are obsessed with the delusion that they can escape the cross of harsh reality on Earth.

I still find it hard to accept that I am fully saved from death because I still have to endure such suffering, but I don’t know what human life is not mired in suffering. Yes, I can walk the line and do my best to attenuate my pain through self-discipline and acting on wisdom and not fear. But I will continue to be tested, strained, and challenged until I die, and this is fine. I have gained wisdom and peace in place of fear and madness. Today, I am sitting in bed, my nerves firing what feels like electric shocks throughout my body. The title of this article is a reference to a Zen aphorism that says “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” We might achieve total enlightenment, but our body, like a cow that we must care for, requires maintenance and care, and this will persist until we die. So today, I’m caring for my body, in prison, enduring the literal pain of this existence. But I bow to that pain as a teacher and guide. And I chop wood and carry water just like any other day.

David said in Psalm 23: “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me.” He did not say that he will be free of evil. He said that he will not fear any evil that he encounters. We all live in the valley. We can climb a mountain or build a tower to the heavens, but we are still in the valley. I know why I suffer. I suffer so that I grow into oneness with the divine. I have remembered my divine origin through the process of enduring suffering. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato asserted in his philosophy of anamnesis that true knowledge is gained by remembering our divine origin. I have remembered it. I wished with gigantic fervor to return to it. But I was denied. I internalized this rejection as a judgment on my character.

We are all prisoners, and yet, in being imprisoned, we have the ability to bring the light of the divine to a dark world. In this way, we are also born as unlit candles, may you find your fire, so that you may see, and others around you may see as well. The more people who have burning wicks, the more pleasant this prison life will be.