Most culture is a painkiller that deadens the feeling that one’s power is slowly slipping away, melting to water, evaporating into nothing. As our power diminishes, we create all kinds of digital multiplicities as a narcotic. We toil and research trying to find the root cause of our malaise, but we cannot see it.
The reason we are weak is because when humans are young they cut themselves off from large portions of themselves, the wild parts of themselves. On the inside, we retreat into our cities the same way we have in the external world. The most populated internal cities are in the mind. Certain wild, mystical, primal, and often feminine ways of being are admonished and policed out of ourselves by ourselves. And most people never go to the wild places. They pride themselves on avoiding them, saying that only “lower” groups, idiots, and insane people go to those wild places.
But, if we do not stay away from the wildness within, we are punished, alienated, castigated, and ultimately instructed to only be half of who we are or less. What I learned in my gender transition and psychedelic exploration was that I had walled off those parts of myself. The body is still considered unintelligent and animal as a hangover of Christianity and the subsequent Cartesian revolution of mind identification. So we don’t even look at or listen to it, outside of trying to dominate it into whatever the mind wants. The body must be listened to. Chronic pain disorders are, a large part at least, the body yelling at the mind to change.
Going to the wild areas within as an adult will save your soul, but it could also destroy you. Having edited out our wildness for so long, we have extreme difficulty when we see those parts of ourselves. We might overreact and go mad, becoming violent and deranged. But these parts of ourselves MUST be integrated. There is no choice. There is no alternative. There is no safe area where everything is predictable and ordered. That is the lie of our civilization. We forget that the wildness built our world in tandem with the clinical mind.
And now, watching the same movies get remade a hundred times, hearing the music which does not found fresh, seeing the art which is derivative, we wonder why life has become monotonous and repetitive. But we do not know that the banner over the doorway to the world we now inhabit said “PREDICTABILITY IS SAFETY, ORDER IS SANITY, LEAVE YOUR WILDNESS AT THE DOOR”
If you seek salvation, intoxicate yourself until you are mad, to see that madness is the queen of all sanity. Push beyond your limits until you are deranged. Fast until you see visions. Endure pain until you are broken. Scream with impunity until your voice is hoarse. You don’t have to do these things all the time, that is an equal madness, but it is in the extremes that the gods are found. You will very likely return to a more verdant sanity after integrating your wildness, even a little bit.