On some level you have to let yourself hate the oppressors. As a transwoman I’m like “oh hey oppressor!” It’s always there. But privilege obscures the oppressor for a lot of people, so they have trouble fighting it. But I assure you it’s there and it doesn’t care about you, and it’s working day and night to keep you disempowered. I don’t recommend rage against the oppressor necessarily, but I do recommend disdain and disgust, because it is sick and depraved and without conscience. Know thy oppressor. Die to the fear of the oppressor and realize it’s actually weak like the wizard of oz, all show and bark. Eventually it will fall. I think I know how, and it’s my life mission to destroy the oppressor. It’s a jihad at this point. When you’re politically persecuted for things you were born with, either you work tirelessly to destroy your oppressor, or you lose a sense of personal respect. And by working tirelessly, I don’t mean being unbalanced. I just mean not stopping, always trying to learn how to destroy it. And I know how. And we will destroy it together.
It’s Taurus season so I’m gonna get a few things off my mind. The mental health establishment has a ton of built in white supremacy and cis privilege. Most therapists are cis white women, and the goals of therapy are often designed for people with a certain amount of privilege. In fact many studies have shown that talk therapy is not as effective for African Americans. This disparity is usually written off by saying that there needs to be more outreach or that there needs to be more awareness of the issue. But the reason is more nefarious than that.
There is no such thing as a universal standard of “good mental health.” Proper mental health is dependent on the individual and their local environment. When one acts appropriate to the demands of their environment, they are being mentally healthy, but this appropriateness may look like peace and it may look like rage. If one’s house is being broken into and one decides to meditate, it is not a wise course of action. And yet people who live in gated communities that are protected by massive generational wealth and violent police often lecture the poor as needing to embrace mindfulness, peace, and love.
There is a time when the only true way to be is to take up arms to defend against oppressive conditions. Our mental health establishment often writes off revolutionary fervor as unbalanced and needing of powerful antianxiety medications to repress. It is true that acting as a revolutionary is not as simple as running up to your oppressor and attacking them. If one wants to break the chains of their oppression, they should do so intelligently, and, in fact, there might be a place for meditation and mindfulness in revolutionary struggle.
But so often our mental health establishment is in the pay of powerful corporations who are allied with our fascist government. So the answers that are given people who are under attack are usually self-repressive. Self-repression in the face of oppression is a useful thing, but the other side of the equation is not mentioned. When one lives under the thumb of a violent oppressive, occupying force such as black people do in America, anxiety and depression should be treated by removing the oppressive force. If we want to restore our mental health as a people we need revolution, period, end of story.
In my schooling as a counselor, I constantly had to ignore advice I was being taught because it did not apply to me as a transgender woman. Most cis white women, even the queer ones, are unaware of what black people, for example, have to do to live their lives. When the average cis white counselor works with a black person or a trans person they do the equivalent of asking a male inmate in a maximum security prison to smile more and be more open. Inmates in prison HAVE TO be hard and closed off and so do people on the bottom of society.
When I transitioned I tried to hold onto my cis white cultural values, but eventually I realized that the values I had been given as “truth” were merely values for how to live with privilege. When I lost the privilege, I had to learn to be more like a black person. I had to develop internal toughness and honesty with myself. If I want to free my kids from the horrible prison they live in, I have to be a holy warrior, there is no other way around it. For so long I tried to play the cis white game of not trying to rock the boat and avoiding conflict, but my kids are still in prison. I am grateful to God that I was given this lesson so I could wake up to the truth of our society. When I was living as a “cis white male” I truly believed that my cultural values were right and that black people, for example, just needed to be more like white people. Most white leftists would say that they don’t want black people to act more like white people, but then they fully go along with the lies of the mental health establishment which earnestly tries to get black people to act as if they have the privilege of white people when they absolutely do not.
This has been a very hard bridge to cross for me. It is truly horrifying to wake up to the fact that there is so much subtle racism and classism in our society and that we feed it in ways we do not realize. It is deeply, deeply painful to fully accept, and I would guess that most cis white people, queer or straight, have not fully accepted it if they are not calling for revolution and regime change at home.
Now, one can be a revolutionary and still smile, laugh, and have fun. There is a way to balance the need to work tirelessly to overthrow oppressive forces with the needs to be balanced and grounded. And in fact the mental health establishment is starting to wake up to the need to encourage civil rights activism to be fully well. But at present, conflict avoidance and victim blaming are still baked into the act of therapy. Most therapists are highly privileged people, and they live in quiet suburban neighborhoods which are designed to create the illusion that one is not causing conflict in the world. But everyday that one trades one’s privilege for security and engages in the very common and very white act of conflict avoidance, one is complicit and should assume that they are the one locking cages with children in them at the border. They should assume they are dropping the bombs over middle eastern and African countries. They should assume they are breaking into the houses of the poor to terrorize innocent people. They should assume they are the problem. One does not have great mental health and blood on their hands at the same time, and this applies to me as well. I’m not above American privilege although I’ve removed myself from it somewhat.
I do believe in the power of talk therapy and mental healthcare or I wouldn’t have pursued this career path, but I also can’t pretend that I don’t have to wake up and fight to exist every day. I would not need to interface with the mental health establishment if I was not hunted from birth for being arbitrarily different in my gender expression. So I engage with the mental health establishment to help process my pain and get treatment if necessary AND I also go to war to remove the oppressive cause of my pain. Therapists must be real about the true cause of mental health problems with their clients or they are just covering for monsters.
Punk is a new religious movement discovered by African Americans and will be the religion of the future. Punk is more than punk rock. Punk is radical honesty. Punk is radical accountability. Punk is accepting your shadow. Punk is not running from pain. Fight a punk jihad against corrupt authority. Save the planet and the decent people. Go forward into the fire and use art to process your pain. Don’t listen to the misinformation and the sirens trying to lure you away from your pain. Pain is God talking to you through your body. The longer we wait to confront our problems the more fire we have to go through to survive. One day the privilege will run out. It’s best to make the transition now as it will be way worse then. At least now you can get ahead of the chaos and work out your problems before the wall hits. The war is here already. Only the strong will make it. I don’t know the way for everybody, but I made the transition myself, you can too. There are many others on the other side. Make your transition and save your soul, then we will destroy capitalism, free the prisons, break the will of the profligate industrialists, and restore harmony to the world. It will happen as God and Goddess want us to be free.
And no, punk is not an aesthetic. PUNK IS NOT AN AESTHETIC. If you think it is, you’re a clown. Punk is holy, and most people are not punks.
If you can’t break the law
you won’t see God
because whatever God is, it’s illegal
and so is truth
but now we are safe
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
has been eaten to death
a barren desert expands forever
where Eden once lived
but inside each of us is a well of pure water
with chains and yellow police tape
stretched across it saying
DO NOT USE! DANGEROUS!
and the prophets said
when God is outlawed
only outlaws will know God
and so when the zombies come
to put the chains back over the well
after they have left
I will take out my bolt cutter secret drugs and rituals
my hormones and sacrilege
and get back to drawing water
When you suddenly lose a lot of privilege, participating in white American society can suddenly seem quite dangerous, like dancing on a frozen lake when you’re the only one without a life preserver on. For a long time after my transition started, I desperately wanted to stay in my privilege, but I kept getting into really precarious situations with no one to help. I had to learn deep down that I could not be so carefree anymore. It’s hard not to be triggered by the messaging of white American society now, because it feels like constant lies. But I know that if you have privilege, it’s not lies, you are just able to live like a child and get away with it.
There has been this battle within me for years, but I finally had to put my old privileged self to death. I also had to stop identifying with white American people, thinking I could help them, but I can’t really help them. I also don’t care if white American society fails, because I don’t see it as a natural thing based on virtue. From my personal experience, I had to be highly repressive and self-denying to gain access to the privileged world. This informs me that it’s not a real world, it’s more like a summer camp that thinks it’s the real world. It is not self-sustaining. Otherwise why would it be so dependent on stealing from other cultures by force?
Anyway, I could go on. I have some idea what it’s like to be a black person in the US, and honestly it’s horrifying and sick. So I don’t really see the point of walking around smiling and trying to convince everyone I’m “living my best life” or some other over-compensating nonsense. I have peace in my heart because I’m not repressing myself so much. So I am just trying to be humble and trying to survive with a simple life. I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know I’ve had to deeply change as a result of my transition, and I also tried to hold onto my privilege through relationships that were not high quality, so that has to go as well. I just have to accept that I’m on the outside. It’s fine, there are others out here in the sober and dry reality. And I know that when I post things like this lots of people still in their privilege will try to save me or throw slogans at me so they feel better. Being outside of the gate to the land of privilege requires massive boundaries, but it’s real and I prefer it.
I’m cursed to be a philosopher, so I’m going to post this essay here to see what y’all think. Otherwise it would just go in my diary with the other countless philosophical essays I write and shelve because I don’t want to totally alienate myself . The following might not be original, but really it’s just me working out my own estrangement from the white cultural values of my youth. The further away from white puritanical Christian ways of being, the more creative I’ve become, so I’m trying to understand it better. Here’s what I wrote today:
My new pet theory is that white European/American culture outsources creativity and attacks creativity within itself as a result of Puritanism run amok over millennia. Although I see this impulse based on Christianity, there is a secular puritanism that has replaced Christianity that I believe is still uncreative at its core. I can’t unsee modern white society as this never changing parasite that depends on other cultures to adapt to the now. You’re probably white, so I write this not to judge but to hopefully inform with the intention of helping. I see how white culture hypothetically wants to be this detached mental process, pure logic, without grounding, because it wants to never be challenged by surprises. Control hates surprises by definition.
Creativity is messy, challenging, and always surprising, so it is looked down upon in the control seeking culture of my birth. Creativity is also quite feminine, another negative from the perspective of white patriarchal power. Then if a white person actually connects with their inherent creativity they seemingly are feared and rejected as dangerous. I can see a future step in this process as having brown people be surrogates for white babies because white women are so estranged from their creativity. I use the term white loosely because there are lots of racially white people that are truly creative but I think they almost have to be kicked out of white society to be truly creative. In effect I’m defining whiteness as unoriginal and antithetical to a primal creativity.
By creativity I mean the ability to come up with something that has never been done before. I believe that creativity is born out of extreme circumstances where if one is not creative, one will die. Therefore according to my model, other cultures that are adjacent to white culture would have to be more creative than if there were no white culture. It’s like the creativity necessary to keep white America going is handled externally by black culture, where black people have twice the stress and twice the creativity as white people (historically).
This idea that white people use black people to offload the necessary creative function explains why white society has policed black areas so religiously over the last 100 years. It’s because black people have been creating something that white people need but lost the ability to create for themselves. For further evidence, consider Marcus Garvey, the early black American civil rights fighter, who proposed that African Americans needed to move back to Africa to find peace. But Marcus Garvey’s ideas were attacked by white society, and those who promoted his ideas were attacked (Malcolm X’s father promoted “back to Africa” ideals and was murdered as a result). If racists were so opposed to the mixing of black and white societies, why would they not cheer when black people suggested moving out of the United States?
My theory posits that black society was and is like a farm for white people. But then because white culture does not create white culture monopolizes the administrative functions and becomes like permanent management over the other creative cultures around white culture. This might seem like a positive from the perspective of white folks, but I grew up in white culture, and it’s really horrible to think that you’re always supposed to be master to some other group. You never get to be free. You’re always responsible, but it’s a false responsibility that is really just like being a corrections officer who thinks he’s a spiritual guru. White people gave away their creative power centuries ago and are now fully dependent on other peoples to handle that absolutely necessary function.
I do believe that people who grow up in this kind of anti-creative environment can get out and ressurect their creative ability. I don’t believe that white people are inhuman aliens that cannot be creative, but I believe that growing up a white person is defined by a continual repressing of creativity. There are racially black people who grow up “white” and in effect kill off their inherent human creativity in order to be accepted in white culture. It is as if individuals have to be pasteurized (boiled to kill off anything that is living) before they can be accepted as “white.” To further complicate the situation, I would assert that other cultures like black American culture are being “whitened” over time as they are integrated into white culture. I suppose if my model is correct that as a culture becomes more “white” it would become less creative by definition.
For real world evidence to back up the idea that white culture is inherently uncreative, we have the popularity of the whole idea that white people engage in cultural appropriation. For most of the 20th century, white culture was constantly importing black American musical style innovations and then selling them as white. Novel musical forms like jazz and rock and roll were and still are relentlessly copied by white artists. Yet, typically the harsher and more wild elements were removed as if through a form of pasteurization or filtration. Do white artists steal from black artists because they are fully unable to be original due to their creative function being disabled in order to not be rejected from white society? Creativity is destructive and destabilizing. Was this destructive and destabilizing element purposefully restricted to black neighborhoods so as to make white neighborhoods easier to control?
I think there are certain assumptions I make about the creative function that inform this theory. Creativity is defined by Oxford as “the use of the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.” Creativity is a dark and mysterious human function that is tied into the sexual reproductive ability in my model. Honestly I think that creativity is highly spiritual and this whole theory is so troubling to me because it would mean that white culture is anti-God or anti-spiritual. The ability of a human to synthesize a unique and original style or approach to a problem is necessary I would think. But we often see originality as something that is not universal in our world.
To be clear, I live primarily in the white western world. I have primarily white friends and family, although my friends are mostly queer white people, I have to be honest and say that I was raised white and associate with white Americans, although I’m also quite often a loner and sometimes spend weeks absorbing the writing, art, and speeches of non-white peoples, and I have many non-white friends. However, in the last 3 years my level of original creativity has increased enormously, most likely due to philosophical/spiritual changes and psychedelic influences. I have pursued what most people in my culture would consider a dangerous path of shamanic/spiritual initiation. There is really too much to detail here about my path, but my increased level of creativity in the past year especially has been shocking to me. Although it doesn’t feel odd because my entire consciousness has radically diverged. I’ve become way more relaxed and have given up on trying to succeed on some level.
Anyway, that’s just part of why I feel this way. There is something really very creepy about white culture, and the healthier I get the more I notice it. Anyways, this is just me theorizing. These are also broad brushstrokes and I am massively generalizing. I also write this and pursue this reasoning because of how sickened I am by my own culture. I try to stay dispassionate when I’m writing philosophy, but this thinking comes from despair and seeing how utterly fake white people can be. Maybe we just don’t know how to do be original but we have so much “original” pumped in from other cultures that most don’t see how bad it is that we aren’t creative.
April to July of 2023 is the beginning of the end of obscene, individual wealth and power. There is a 248 year cycle ending, and the last time this cycle was where it will be in 2023, the French were guillotine happy and the Americans were dethroning mad king George. Global revolution is coming. I hope the rich enjoy it while it lasts.
After July 2023, the powerful will push back the tide of revolution, but in January of 2024, the rich will begin to fully crumble, and the people will reign again.
But the wheel goes round and round as the dog of time chases its tail.
The Ultra-Secret formula for all religions:
- Learn how to tell your mind to fuck off.
- Follow your heart.
- Realize your consciousness is infinite, and the mind has been lying to you about death.
The rest is really just filler. And the reason there are so many different religions is because #1 changes over time. 2,000 years ago the method was to join a cult and be totally surrounded by spirituality until you got to #2. Now, the method of telling your mind to fuck off is to transform yourself repeatedly while taking psychedelics and reading 2,000 year old texts until your mind gives up.
That’s the cliff’s notes version, but just give your “self” to your heart, and keep going. Eventually, you’ll get to salvation. Lots of people think they can just keep at #1, learning every method in the whole world, but your mind will lie and lie, telling you that you already follow your heart and you’re already enlightened, blah blah blah.
Fuck off mind!
ALL HERE NOW
THOU ART THAT
I’ve been thinking about laughter and the idea that laughter is anger evaporating. The anger behind laughter can also be combined with fear. For example, I laugh at customers at work when I am exasperated by rude or irrational people. Others might laugh at something that threatens them. People laugh when they are frightened in a horror movie.
I’ve been laughed at what I assume is more than the average person of my age. And so I’m really sensitive to what it feels like to be freakish, gross, stupid, idiotic, sinful, wrong, or merely different. Is there a way to laugh at and act compassionately in the same transaction? I don’t know.
Originally, this concept occurred to me in analyzing The Daily Show, with my theory that shows of that style pacify liberals and turn conservatives on the extreme defensive. I mean, the whole comedians on TV just trashing on conservatives is a huge industry now. And my theory goes that Trump and all the patriarchal “daddies” out there swoop in being like “I’ll save you from the big city meanies laughing at your 2,000 year old ideas about social customs mijo”
However, I worry that using public shaming and ridicule like this can be a harsh social signal with unintended consequences even when someone deserves it. This kind of collective activity of trashing on stupid conservatives serves a purpose no doubt, but being ridiculed can make a human really defensive, insular, and untrusting.
I’m not really trying to propose a “right amount” of trashing on conservatives or anything. I’m just proposing a mechanism. However, I fully know that without a minimum level of compassion in each of our collective hearts, the social organism will just keep being utterly dysfunctional. Before I gave in to compassion for myself and forgiveness for others, I was a civil war inside, and I healed.
Always remember dear readers that people have walked through deeper valleys and held onto the light through staggering darkness. Life is hell. Compassion and peace are heaven, wisdom is the ladder. Om mani padme hum. If we ask for help, it will arrive. These are the things I’ve learned in the dark. The collective unconscious is dying to be reborn. The new birth comes soon.
You’re not broken if the modern world and its inhumane expectations of you makes you want to do the following things to cope:
-Eat junk food to excess
-Drink alcohol to excess
-Exercise to excess
-Smoke weed to excess
-Use drugs to excess
-Have sex/masturbate to excess
-Use social media to excess
-Watch entertainment to excess
The modern world is grinding, boring, and detached. The authorities will try to shame you and get you to believe that you don’t have enough self-control. They’ll show you pictures of people who are not using those things to excess to make you think that not doing those things is “normal.”
But you don’t have to accept this gaslighting. Yes, you need to take responsibility for your body and your decisions. However, imagine if you were a marathon runner and someone told you the following:
“taking those cups of water from people on the side of the race is really just weakness. Here is a person that didn’t have to take those cups of water. Look at him smiling. See how happy and normal he is. You need to work on yourself…”
You would probably call that person insane. Our body has limits, and we need to honor those limits by balancing the needs of our bodies, spirits, and minds over the requirements of the industrial machine we’ve created with the stock market gods telling us how much output is “normal.”
So if you are compensating for the really dark and exhausting world we are living in by using drugs, eating junk food, drinking alcohol, or any other similar behavior, you probably have a good reason for doing so and are not just broken. So honor that part of you that is exhausted, fried, anxious, rejected, alone, sad, etc. by not shaming yourself for the behavior.
The behavior might be because you are being tortured by a crazy world. And it could also be that you are just full-on trying to escape too much from the inescapable pain of life. It’s a balancing act.
Personally, I have a lot of pain, trauma, exhaustion, and overwhelm from my history and my present. But I still had to stop drinking because it was a poor coping mechanism, and I’ve found better coping mechanisms like cannabis, meds, and junk food. Would it be ideal if I could have a perfect diet, no meds, and no recreational drugs? Maybe? But WTF is ideal anyway? Right now, this is what I need, and I’ve practiced harm reduction to make it more manageable.
I have to find that balance daily. I make mistakes. I stay attached to coping behaviors too long because I am afraid I cannot find a better solution. This is a natural reaction when humans feel threatened. I really am not trying to say this is easy, because it is hard and might take years or decades to resolve.
May you find that balance in trying to stay engaged with a world that is really quite dangerous and harmful. And may you have tenderness with yourself and your pain. Love to you all.
I had a vision that Donald Trump died and was replaced by a deepfake. I thought it was very ridiculous. But now not so much. Also, I had a vision that a parallel galaxy was crashing into our galaxy and causing inter-dimensional sickness. This sickness is known as the GOAT. The GOAT is a spiritual infection that started back in the early 1980s and is pandemic now but largely unknown. It can be cleansed from the body and energetic body through a set of daily rituals. One must go on a transition to meet the soul in order to rid the body of this infection. Ultimately, it will not be removed until we stop climate change as they have told me that they are from the planet Venus, and their planet overheated in the past. They had long conelike heads and said that global warming was the number one mistake that new planetary civilizations make when entering into the industrial age.
Some of my visions seem absurd, but reality is catching up…
Being transgender is kinda nice in that I’ve already digested the fact that nearly everybody lies about how they care about the poor and the downtrodden. News flash: MOST people don’t care. I heard a Buddhist teacher say once that he liked to assume that things were already broken, like the teacup he was using, so that you can just enjoy what time you have with the formed thing. I’ve kinda already digested that the US is broken and won’t help me. If it does, cool!, but I’m happy just not relying on it and doing what I need to do to survive under my own steam at this point. I’m sure I’m not the only one to experience this.
It’s gonna be ok. Trauma is hard, but trauma is inescapable in life, and you can recover and grow from it. A rose bush thinks being trimmed back in the winter is traumatic, but without that trauma, it would not grow as well as is possible. Peace to you all. Shit breaks, and we put new stuff together. And really, most of the US is already dead branches that need to be pruned.
I still get overwhelmed too, but it seems easier to bounce back when your expectations are appropriate and realistic.