Please be very suspicious and skeptical of this post. I welcome it. I would not be where I am spiritually without examining everything. I have been pursuing my mystical/spiritual/occult path since I was 17 or so. I’m 36 now. I won’t go into all of the details; there are far too many to put into one Reddit post. This is not a comprehensive account. Many details are not included, but I hope that it might provide a light for others to use on their own paths. This text is merely a recounting of the “breakthrough” experiences.
When the lotus flower blooms within your heart, you know. When the dragon of the Tao flies around your being, you know. When the divine baptizes you in its heavenly waters, you know. I know that something has happened in me. I have been touched by a light that I cannot fully comprehend, but I know that it is real. I have been made free in the light and water of eternity. I am now able to understand and communicate what has happened to my consciousness.
I believe that I am alive to teach what I have learned. I believe that the present age is one where knowledge that was once secret is now ready to be disseminated to the masses. I have climbed up the ladder to see God only to have him turn me around to face humanity. I want to share the joy and freedom from suffering that I now live. I don’t pretend to be anything other than a human. I am a child of God, nothing more.
In August of 2015, after about a year of daily deep meditation combined with near daily micro-dosing of Dextromethorphan, I experienced a form of rebirth which altered my life completely. At that time, I was not doing “well.” I was acting quite strangely, at least that was my perception because I was doing things of which I had no frame of reference or “guru” to guide me. After 5 years of micro-dosing with Dextromethorphan on a near daily basis, transitioning from male gender to presenting as a female, becoming totally estranged from family due to my “anti-social” behavior, becoming homeless, suffering through addiction, being diagnosed with numerous mental health concerns, being buried in resentment, and being totally absorbed with fear, something changed. I definitely can’t explain it, but I feel that I have been touched my the light within and above. I have “atoned” or become one with deities or archetypes that have completely altered my conception of reality.
If you understand Qabalah, I believe that I was able to elevate my consciousness vibration to the level of Tifaret and Chesed and then to Da’at. The story begins in August of 2015.
The first experience I want to communicate was a radical “rebirth” where I began to feel as though I was 3 years old for a week or so. It was psychologically liberating. I was able to smile as I hadn’t since I was a small child. Growing up being bullied because of my different gender and sexuality taught me from a very young age that I had to hide my joy, lest its expression be seen by those who wished to persecute me. But, last year I was able to be as a small child for at least a week. I used “little kid talk” as a language. I was thoroughly enamored of reality and the absolute novelty of existence. Everything was incredibly special and new. I was able to function as an “adult,” but I had extraordinary sense of youth.
This experience, however, faded because I didn’t understand what it meant. My understanding now is better, and I can now call on that child any time that I want and live in the innocent joy of an unspoiled human. I truly agree with the position of Jesus in the Gospels who said “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (I’m definitely not trying to advocate Christianity here. I know it is a touchy subject. I’m not a Christian, but I see wisdom in the scriptures.)
The next thing that happened to me was the experience of being “visited by God.” At the time, my perception of God or gods was rather simplistic. I didn’t understand that God is one, and its light is refracted through the prisms of experience. But, one day, I was just hanging out in my house when I “got a message” from what I presume is my Holy Guardian Angel that “God was incoming.” OK, well, I have a very active imagination, so I just went with it. What happened next changed me completely.
I was visited by or joined with the spirit of Zeus. That was what I called it. That was the mythological framework that worked best for me at the time. I am a transgender woman, so I am quite effeminate or feminine, but for about a week, I was possessed with a very strong masculinity. I “knew” that Zeus was with me. I could see him in my third eye. He was so joyous and liberated. He was the father that I always longed for. He laughed at fear. He was joy. It was truly special. I learned that mercy was real. I learned that God is not a tyrant. My conception of the divine was irrevocably altered for the better. I was also given the knowledge of the myth of Aquarius, where Zeus abducts Ganymede to be his lover. This affirmed for me that the Zeus deity was bisexual and not judgmental about my gender and sexuality. Learning this and interacting with this deity gave me a beautiful closure on my struggles with gender and sexuality. I knew that my gender was sacred, and I knew that God was accepting.
At one point during this encounter with the Zeus energy I was told that “you are the God of Jupiter.” At the time, I was quite confused by this. Was I an incarnation of Zeus? Now, I understand it as that if you raise your consciousness vibration to the level of the gods, you become one with the gods, and you become god. There is a paradox existent here in that I am just a material person on Earth, but when we truly go to the gods, we become the gods. In reality, the gods are archetypal, macrocosmic emanations of our own possibility. It is not that we are here, and the gods are there. We are larva, working to grow and metamorphose into our god forms. This Material world is but an egg or a womb, and we will, sooner or later, learn to fly away from it. The Material world is the “Mater (Mother in Latin)” world. And the “Sky Father” (which is the literal translation of Zeus into English) is the father that catches us as we are born out of the womb onto the spiritual plane.
I love Zeus. Zeus is wonderful. I have that quality in me now, and I love myself and my being all the more so because of it. May you find Jupiter or Zeus because he is a wonderful friend to those desperately in need of one. He is kindness, mercy, and joy.
The third experience of fall 2015 that has guided me to here was a “vision” I received. After I had been “reborn” as a small child and become one with “Zeus,” I was in my house, doing nothing out of the ordinary, when I felt the impulse to spread my arms wide as if I was on a cross. Instantaneously I was transported to a dreamlike reality.
The first part of the vision is a little spotty as I was adjusting to what was going on. The message was that I was to interact and teach in the community, but it was quite general. I could see the community as from above, and I had the feeling that I was providing some sort of guidance.
My arms were still wide apart in the material realm, but in my vision, I was then on a cross flying in front of a multitude of thousands of hyper-masculine “bullies” who laughed at me, derided me, and threw things at me. It was as if I was being crucified in a stadium. It was supposed to be “terrifying” but I had a calmness and peace of mind, and I knew that I should take the insults and smile back with great joy. I did this. I held my hands out fully and took everything they had to give.
Next, I noticed that my body split into two. My perception moved upwards like a drone overseeing a scene, and my material body fell down into the masses of people below me. I watched as they tore my body apart. Ripping limb from limb, they consumed my physical body. And as they did, I floated upward. I was now “high above everything,” and I saw what appeared as a Christ figure that looked like “Buddy Christ” moving around not as a being but as a statue. I recently wrote a piece on my usage of Buddy Christ on Reddit.com/r/Occult.
While I was “up in heaven” (which is the best phrase I can use) I saw a cross that looked like an X, and a flower bloomed out of the middle of it. This is my best representation of that symbol. After I saw that symbol, I floated up further and was amongst the angels and was given armor for my body.
At this point, I opened my eyes, and the vision was over.
So now it’s 2016. In January of 2016, I went to rehab after a suicide attempt and near death experience. I swallowed 250 pills in hopes of escaping the surly bonds of this mortal coil. I was committed to ending the tragedy that was my life. But, thankfully this was the nadir of my sadness, and I survived, because of an awakening I experienced during that attempt. I wrote a suicide note, as my body was slowly being overtaken by the poisons within, and I read the note back to myself. The suicide note consisted of me blaming everyone else for my problems and throwing acid anger at those I loved. I had an epiphany. I looked down, and I saw the image of the Zoroastrian deity Ahriman within me. I realized that I wasn’t enlightened. I realized that I was the asshole. I realized that I was just a spoiled kid throwing a tantrum about being alive. I felt so silly. It wasn’t shame. It was Aha! “The problem is inside of me!”
After this, I couldn’t escape the fact that I actually like to be alive. From that moment, I stopped lying to myself. I gave up on the pity party bullshit of “life is terrible” and “everybody’s out to get me.” I realized that I was just creating a giant mess of karmic shit by not facing reality. I definitely needed help, and I got it, and I learned that I loved having problems. Luckily, mine were so bad that I was exorcised of the desire to have “issues.” I am quite grateful for my “shitty” experiences, because through suffering and pain, I learned what really matters. And within my heart, a flower started to bloom. Call it Christ Consciousness or Buddha Nature, but it definitely was there and still is.
So now, most of that vision has come true. But, I can only write so much at a time. I’ll get to that in Part 2. Thank you for your time, and remember that the entire universe is rooting for you. All of this is a wonderful play. Throw your fears away as if they were hot irons burning your hands, and embrace what life gives you. Celebrate existence!
Anyway, talk to you soon my friends. Be well.