I’m transgender, but for me, the importance of that fact is not about being trans or queer or bisexual. Those things don’t really matter. What matters is that you listened to a voice or a feeling on the inside of your physical being, and you decided to elevate the internal over the consequences of the external world. For some people, this is harder than others. For me, I had to go on a years-long gender transition to fully elevate my internal over my external. Conversely, your transition from an externally focused person to an internally focused person can be quick. Everyone’s trip up the mountain is different.
But we all need to go on this transitional journey for the world to heal. Religions around the world have talked about the “still, small voice” in your being for millennia. If you listen to your conscience, it will speak to you. But to do that, you need to quiet the external world. You’re not going to hear that voice if you are blasting Marvel movies into your face all day long. Everyone has a voice inside of them. At first, it is unconscious and hidden. But it can be revealed through a set of practices and rituals.
That voice is the real you, by the way. The clothes you wear, the music you listen to, the home you own, those things are not the real you. The real you is dark and mysterious and hard to reach. But when you integrate that part of yourself into your conscious self, you undergo what Carl Jung called integration or individuation. And then you become the magic yourself.
Listening to your conscience is a radical act these days. I assert that the reason for this is that your conscience is feminine. The internal self is receptive and quiet, and the patriarchy hates it because it can’t control it. So first, the rulers makes us believe that it doesn’t exist through materialist theories of reality. Second, they will medicate and lock up people who assert that their internal truth is more valid than the external truth of society, namely schizophrenics or bipolar individuals, creating a chilling effect for all soul seekers.
I think this is one reason why transgender people elicit such intense anger and confusion in people. When most people encounter someone who says that their internal voice is more right than the external accepted “truth,” they call that person crazy. We are programmed to do so, and we all do it. So when I say that my internal voice says that I am more feminine than masculine, but my external genitalia is masculine, lots of people point and yell “Crazy!” because they are programmed to do this.
Most people have just decided that the external masters of reality are more able to be right than their inner voice. So they just ignore it, pour alcohol on it, suppress it, and try to kill it. When someone like me comes along and says “my inner voice is feminine, and I want my body to match that” all many people can reflexively think is that I must be insane and in need of treatment.
But alas, my inner voice is magical and true and lovely. And following the inner voice is a commitment that requires integrity, fortitude, and lots of work. Maybe people don’t want to follow their inner voice because it is too challenging. And I totally understand how the Christian church basically made the feminine and the mystical an afterthought in their dogma.
Follow your inner voice. It is found in your unconscious mind, which is really what God is. When you sleep, this is the active part of your mind. So you know it well. If you don’t follow your inner voice and make your unconscious conscious, your unconscious will make you very unhappy and will fuck with you, causing you to do bizarre and unexplainable things.
If we don’t all start going on this transition, the world will not survive. The whole world needs to transition to a world where the mysterious inner voice is the true religion. But there is a massive pustulant boil of entrenched, patriarchal, and outdated power that must be overthrown. It needed to be overthrown a hundred years ago. Better late than never.
At least, that’s what my inner voice told me…